Of Lifelines and a Dreamer's woes

Sometimes in the maelstrom that we come to know as life, we get second chances to turn things around. Okie sometimes we're luckier than we should be and get more than just one or 2 chances, but multiple opportunities over a period of time. I know cause I've been lucky enough to be one of those guys. Everything has been pretty bleak recently in terms of future outlook and what not, but now, right now, after wasting many, many, maaaaaany lifelines thrown at me, I have another one dangling tantalizingly in front of my eyes, just beyond reach.

 

Now the question that comes to mind is how do I go about this. Do you play it safe and avoid the tempting carrot on a stick and just look at a longer term and much more guaranteed outcome, or reach out and try to grasp that damn vegetable? Its not entirely out of reach you see. Its just a matter of self belief and effort. But then you constantly question your own abilities due to the past failures and wonder if you truly are capable of handling it. The prize is immense. That's to say the least. The reward would be a dream fulfilled - or at least a major milestone step in the right direction. Do you bring yourself to stand once again and put hope in it? Is the fear of failure too great to handle should it happen again? Its not entirely out of the question you see. Some sorta demented Sophie's choice dilemma.

 

Deep down I know that in comparison, I might not be the best suited. In truth, I might not have what it takes. You gotta be practical to a point after going through what I've been through. Then again you also consider the other factors. The growth achieved over that period. The experience and knowledge you have now which you wish you had earlier. Would it be different this time around? Would you actually be able to nibble at that carrot after all?

 

Dreams are hard to let go. Or at least the ones you've had planned for so long in your life. But some dreams are mere fairy tales and you wonder when you'd wake up to reality. But given this chance right now, I honestly feel that to quit now and just walk away, and do what I detest yet practise a lot....play it safe, would be a crime to myself in all senses. It's not who I am. I can't let this chance pass me by. Not again. I'd think I'd be even worse off knowing I didn't try rather than falling down again. After all, I've bounced right back up from my ass so many times *sigh* it can't be all too different from the previous times.

 

Its a do or die situation now. Take that step across the ledge and do what you have to do. Do it smart. Don't let go of what you have now and reach for what you want to get. In a banker's phrase:: Hedge all your bets. If it goes wrong at least I won't lose out too much but, BUT....if it works out, GODDAMN!! So that's that. It's pretty much decided now I guess. We do what we have to do. Just go for it. And make sure you put every effort in it. Don't repeat the same old mistakes. Improvise. Grow from within and most of all, don't be afraid to ask for help. Pride - the all-consuming weakness - is something that has to be harnessed effectively. Pride in yourself and your abilities without being over-confident. Without losing track of what needs to be done.

 

It is time. It is time to get going again. One last chance for something you've always wanted. One last bloody chance. Can't waste it. Not for anyone or anything. This is mine. I want it. I wanna be able to look myself in the mirror and be grateful for everything. I want this. I can have this. I'm taking it...

 

"A minute's success pays the failure of years" ~ Robert Browning

 

Gloria Gaynor ~ I Will Survive